Jacque is getting married! This is a first for me, my oldest daughter is getting married. Seems like yesterday she was born, this tiny wiry baby with tons of black hair and dark skin. My dad called her "Juanita". Now she is getting married! I know, I am repeating myself. I just can't get over how quickly time has passed! I still see myself as clear as day picking her up from the bassinet and dancing around the living room with her in my arms, you see she couldn't sleep unless she was moving (or I was moving). She has remained on the go her whole life.
Jacque has been planning weddings her entire life too. Every summer she would lead in planning weddings for all her brothers and sisters and neighborhood friends. She would plan down to the last detail. I would get "urgent" calls to come home from work and decorate the cake with pansies from our yard so the wedding would be a success! It was always magical and well thought out. My favorite was the wedding of her four year old brother Sam to his 3 year old friend Mary! It was so cute!
Now it is for real....(gulp). My baby, my daughter, my kindred spirit, my friend is embarking into the adult world. She's ready but am I??? Holy cow, this is such a strange mix of feelings and emotions. I'm not sure what to do with myself at this point. I want to yell "stop! wait! Let's hold the show for a minute while I figure out how life has passed by so quickly!" Can we go back to the days she was writing, producing and directing plays in our living room? I want to savoir all that one last time before she goes out to live adult life! No one told me how this part would feel! I have always spent so much time working to provide for all my children that sometimes I forgot to breathe in the moments, the joy, the laughter, the experience of motherhood. Now it is changing, they are growing up into adulthood and I am at another stage of life...almost 50, fighting cancer, starting a new business, a relatively new marriage and once again a new phase of life. It's like I stand at the edge of a cliff and everyone is saying jump, I am frozen and someone is about to push me off...into the unknown abyss! But I keep going, walking off the cliff in faith, hoping that the next phase of life will be easier? Having hope in all things and that somehow God will get me through. I just wish I felt ready for what life brings next...for now I am awash in the NOW...teens, new career, cancer, 50! Yikes!!!
1 comment:
dear mom, you make me tear up. I love you too.
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